How to Be A Good Guest At A Family Party

Eighteen years ago, I married into a family of eight children, 19 grandchildren and four great-grandbabies. If there was ever a need to learn good guest etiquette and party behavior, it was then. After all, knowing how to interact with one another at a family gathering can mean the difference between a fun time and a disastrous one. It could also mean the difference between family feuds and family resolutions. Does this Spark an idea?

Instructions

1

Always RSVP. Believe it or not, family members like to know who is going to show up and who isnt. It helps with food preparation, decorating and gift-giving. And it lets the hosts know whether they should wait for the last guest to arrive before everyone can eat, or if dinner can be served on time.

2

Offer your help. Whether its shopping for supplies, bringing a food dish or cleaning up afterward, lending a hand is important. Its easy to relax and forget about manners when youre around people youve known all your life, so even if your help has been politely declined in the past, offer it again anyway. The act of volunteering can prevent bitter feelings later.

3

Clean up after yourself. Nothing gets under another family members skin like sloppy, inconsiderate party guests. If you make a mess, clean it up. When youre done eating, scrape your plate in the trash, rinse it off and put it in the dishwasher. If the dishwasher is full, set the plate on the counter. If you drop food on the floor, dont leave it there. If you spill juice on the carpet, dont cover it up or pretend it wasnt you. Ask for carpet cleaner and clean it up.

4

Respect the house rules. Friends and acquaintances can get away with bringing a toy gun for little Jimmy, using curse words around the children or lighting up a cigarette in the house. Family members cant.

5

Bring a hostess gift. If the gathering is a large one and the hostess has done the majority of the workincluding purchasing party supplies and food--show your appreciation by bringing a hostess gift. The gift can be something as simple as your sisters favorite flowers or your brothers favorite coffee beans.

6

Notify the hostess of dietary changes. Its easy to forget that your family doesnt know every tiny detail of your life, so if youve recently been to the doctor and have been put on a special diet, let your hostess know. And dont be afraid to offer to bring your own dish if youve suddenly gone vegetarian and dont want anything remotely animal-related in your food. The key to not insulting the cook is to be upfront ahead of time.

7

Wait for seconds. If the food is good, its tempting to load up. But doing so could cause harsh feelings when hungry family members dont get a chance to eat or taste the food. Its important to wait until everyones had a chance to eat before you go back for seconds.

8

Remember your manners. When it comes to family, its easy to forget them. After all, youre comfortable enough around these people to share your family secrets--so why shouldnt you be comfortable enough to unbutton your pants after a heavy meal, chew with your mouth open or forget your "pleases" and "thank yous"? But forgetting your manners can add undue stress and tension. So the next time youre tempted to reach across someone elses plate for that bowl of green beans, stop and ask for them instead.

9

Defuse family arguments. If you know a subject is sensitive or has caused arguments in the past, dont bring it up. And should another family member choose to bring it up, casually change the subject. If changing the subject doesnt work, call the speaker away from the group and get him involved in another topic, a game of cards or some other activity. Theres no need to discuss why that conversation was off-limits, because doing so could only make things worse.

10

Clear up misunderstandings immediately. No matter how hard you try to say the right thing, there will be times when your words will come out wrong. If you notice a family member acting strangely toward you, take the time to ask, Have I offended you? Then, with an open mind, listen for the answer. Clearing up hurts before they escalate can make the rest of the night more enjoyable and less tense.

11

Limit the drinking. Drinking enough to impair your judgment could cause you to say or do things youll later regretincluding insulting or physically hurting another family member. Its best to limit your alcohol consumption to one or two drinks--definitely nothing more than what would normally make you feel tipsy.

12

Dont ignore family members. Make sure you take the time to talk to everyone who has showed up to the family gatheringeven if its only for five minutes. Nothing makes a family member feel worse than leaving the party thinking youre mad at him.